It used to be fun... Yeah, people sometimes die, but it's different when you're the one that killed them, isn't it? Doubly so when the first shot you've so much as squeezed off in the general direction of an actual person was point-blank to the head of an unconscious woman. It's not an easy thing to do. Well, it IS an easy thing to do, and that's what makes it so hard after the fact. So what if she tried to cook you alive when negotiations went sour? They didn't go sour when she tried to blackmail you, did they? And that poor troll... It can't be easy to go home knowing you attacked one of the very people you were supposed to protect. How do you even live with yourself after that? Yeah, you've used the Voice before, but never for that... not to tell someone to kill, or even to hurt. Always to stop the violence, to prevent killing. It was a panic reaction, but how is that an excuse? So is shooting hostages most of the time, but the bastards who do it aren't less wrong for it, are they?
So here you are, one life ended, one troll possibly mind-mangled, one job botched, one coworker hurt badly, and the rest on the run. Because you couldn't handle one Johnson. No one sticks to their ideas that hard if they're on the square, do they? Well, whatever his game was, it's over now. Should have seen it. You never thought it was a legitimate run, and you did it anyway. Talking up the price came to easy, the run went too smoothly. Nothing is ever that simple... but you played it wrong, and this is how we wound up. is it any wonder they sold you down the river? Slide says he's working on something, and he's a decent enough guy... a damned sight better than most of the people at the bottom.If it wasn't for him, you might not have walked out at all, and Miyori would have been MUCH worse off than she is now. He could have walked away unscathed, but he put it on the line for you. Now he's saying he'll do it again. For a cold-blooded murderer.
Maybe you should just be here forever. Might be more deserved. It's not like you didn't do it, right? Not exactly innocent of the crime, are you? Self-defense went out the window when she went down. Lying on the floor and bleeding isn't exactly the biggest threat you've encountered lately, is it? So how did you go from rescuing damsels in distress to shooting them in the head?
Shelagh would know what to say, but this magic-dampened hole is proof against the Call. A little guidance would do a world of good at this juncture. "You can't undo the past," she would say, "all you can do is take it with you or let it go." Carry it all until you become jaded, cynical, dark, and everything else that's wrong with this shitpile world we live in... or let it go and never care, never learn, make that woman's life mean nothing. Fucking Sidhe. They're always talking like that. Two impossible choices, and you're supposed to figure out what it means, or find a different path they didn't tell you about, or some other nonsense, then IF you ever do make sense of it, they take all the credit for wisdom. If they're so wise and such, why can't they ever give a straight answer? Might turn out us lowly humans are doing all the real work.
No wisdom of the ages. No magic of the gods to guide us. Just regular folks struggling on through life, doing the best we can, falling down and trying to get back up without making everything worse. Nothing we can do but push on, day by day, taking each problem as it comes and trying to learn enough that we live long enough to see the next problem... maybe, just maybe, we'll know what to do when it comes around again...
DAMNIT! How does she do that when she's not even here? Fucking Sidhe...
